This is a book that drives Christian parents to their core mission, which is shepherding their children so that they would grow up to be disciples of Jesus Christ. Even just the title may be convicting for some parents. Key in the title is that word “heart.” It is one thing to manipulate our children into right behaviors – it is another thing to dig down to the level of the heart and affections of our kids. Tedd Tripp’s book is excellent at reminding us: we focus on behavior or results in the lives of our children, but neglect that core task of shepherding their hearts.

It’s pretty typical for Christian books to talk about being “Gospel-centered.” However, I would say that this book from Paul Tripp is very accurately subtitled. Tripp, in this book, lays out perhaps the most important principles for shepherding the hearts of our children. Some sample principles from the book: -Calling: “Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul.” -Law: “Your children need God’s law, but you cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish.” -Inability: “Recognizing what you are unable to do is essential to good parenting.” -Lost: “As a parent you’re not dealing just with bad behavior, but a condition that causes bad behavior.” -Control: “The goal of parenting is not control of behavior, but rather heart and life change.”

Joel Beeke’s book on parenting is excellent, and is especially helpful for parents who have discovered that they need to take seriously their calling to shepherd their children into worshipers of the living God. I would encourage the novice to take seriously Beeke’s teachings, but I would also encourage any reader to know that Beeke sets forth applications and standards for Christian parents that are bound to leave some feeling like failures on some level. You can still be a good and loving parent even if you do not give your children 20 minute expositions of Scripture each night during family worship!

This recommendation comes with some huge caveats, which is why I’m listing this in the “Advanced” category. First, the author is not a Christian, and so there are times when she gives admonitions that I would not give as a pastor. Second, this book is polemical in nature; she is not so much presenting a positive vision of parenting, but is taking on modern parenting trends such as “gentle parenting,” “helicopter parenting,” and the highly therapeutic trauma-turn that has happened in recent years. With those warnings, I would say that many parents need to hear much of the pushback that Shrier dishes out in this book. In particular, I think parents do need to be encouraged to give their children appropriate room to fail. Many of us believe that good parenting means protecting our kids from pain, from failure, and from loss. In reality, those things build resilience – something that cannot be merely acknowledged, but that must be developed through negative experiences. If we try to protect our children from negative experiences, they will learn the wrong lesson: namely that they aren’t resilient. Shrier also includes a helpful critique of the modern trauma-obsession. There is a trend of parents sending their children to therapy when, in fact, such therapy often creates a self-perpetuating dependency; rather than helping the child, such therapy often causes them to ruminate on pain and keeps them from becoming resilient. For the discerning reader, I think Shrier’s book is a needed corrective, though it is bound to offend and rub some the wrong way, as well.